Cathedrals will fall, the river will run red... and THE BIRD will be SLAUGHTERED!

REVIEW: She Kills

– By @TheBlueTook

Violently vengeful women, satanic vaginas, sordid, sadistic fantasies and own-nipple-tickling in public wooded areas – no, dear readers, this aint the tagline from my new autobiography, this is a brief description of director Ron Bonk’s new zany throwback, SHE KILLS, from cult distributors SRS Cinema.

11350437_826904260696747_2543301035901732335_n[1]Being a lover and long-time stalker of low budget, independent horror, I’ve been aware of SRS Cinema for a while as an ‘alternative’ film company – the place to turn to for all your utterly fucking bonkers cinematic needs (seriously, check out their back catalogue if you don’t believe me!). Although I haven’t had the pleasure of watching one of their titles for review purposes before now, the fact prolific, varied and wacky filmmaking talent Ron is now a friend of the site meant this was my chance; and thankfully, he’s delivered a pretty smart feature to pop my cherry – this time, an explicit homage to Grindhouse/exploitation features of the ‘70’s and ‘80’s.

When Sadie’s (Jennie Russo) life, and under-carriage, is wrecked on her wedding night by a vicious gang called ‘The Touchers’, our virgin bride unwittingly discovers she is cursed with the legendary ‘Fire Crotch’ – in laymen’s terms, a demonic-yet-enchanting, ferocious fanny (no, my American chums, NOT the back-bum!). Learning to unlock its hidden powers, our scorned siren decides to take action and quench her thirst for revenge, leaving lustful men everywhere with their dicks in tatters, trailing in her wake.

Blatant nods to the good old days work a treat in this barmy tribute’s favour, showcased expertly by deliberately shite practical effects, shonky OTT acting and as many slang terms you can think of for cocks, balls and twats! Of course, many of you may be bored of modern takes on motion picture’s gritty past – a sub-genre which seems determined to outrun the tired zombie ‘outbreak’ we’ve had to endure for far too long – but for many reasons, SHE KILLS manages to shake off a lot of its competitors, none more so than its completely gung-ho approach and total disregard for political correctness.

  • Ridiculous wiry merkins? Check!
  • Frantic phallus flaying? Yep!
  • A huge, squirting, man-eating pussy? You got it!

It’s insane. Add to this the greatest false moustache the cinematic world has ever witnessed and you’ve got yourself a deal!

I’m not gonna lie, a lot of SHE KILLS left me puzzled and occasionally checking my watch as a few of the completely fucking screwball scenes unfolded too slowly, or the purposely arse-clenching acting overstepped beyond the realms of cheese into awkward, but on the wHOLE (Haaaa!), it kind of added to its disgusting charm… and who’s to say Mr Bonk & Co didn’t WANT it to be like that?

Check out the trailer and important links below, and start the medication now if you’re planning on watching the full film in the next few months.

SHE KILLS Facebook

SRS Cinema

 

@TheBlueTook

 

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