Cathedrals will fall, the river will run red... and THE BIRD will be SLAUGHTERED!

REVIEW: Attacked on Set

– By Dave Dubrow

Let’s get this out of the way first thing: Attacked on Set is an absolutely horrible movie.

But it’s meant to be, which saves it by a whisker. Despite its nanobudget (I assume that’s the measurement below microbudget), there are parts of it you can’t unsee, and even while you’re fighting nausea, you might find yourself chortling at its audacity. I laughed hard, and may God have mercy on what remains of my soul.

The story is simple, lampooning not just low-budget moviemaking, but moviemaking in general: a crew gets together to shoot a horror film, and one by one everyone gets killed. That’s that. There’s also a ludicrous subplot featuring an environmental activist trying to save the endangered passenger parrot from horrible land developers. It doesn’t advance the story, but is absolutely necessary for the laughs.

The promotional materials advertise “steamy on-set encounters,” and that “When these girls lie down, things stand up.” I must assume that the things that “stand up” are supposed to be penises. Far be it for me, as a husband and father and a man of standing and respect in my community, to comment upon the quality of such encounters and girls; all I can say is that there are exposed bosoms, and you might like looking at them.

The killings, while gruesome, don’t hold a candle to some of the other, more disgusting events in the film. There’s one scene that took me several seconds to process, and once I did I found myself wishing I had requested to watch and review 2 Girls 1 Cup instead of Attacked on Set. When you see it you’ll know what I mean. Or maybe you won’t. Depends on what grosses you out.

Much of the film is shot in close-up, which helps at times and doesn’t help at other times. The wig that the director wears is so unbelievably horrible that it deserves a sequel all its own. One young woman is killed in a fashion reminiscent of The Hitcher; I only point this out so you’ll think I know what I’m talking about when it comes to horror movies.

Attacked on Set is blissfully free of the heavy earnestness too often prevalent in indie film, and goes so over the top that you have to admire the cast for sticking through the entire production. Unfortunately for me, all I get for sticking through watching it are some laughs and a few very unpleasant visual recollections. Was it worth it?

Ask my therapist.

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Tickets ON SALE for TRIPLE SIX HORROR FILM FEST!

The Triple Six Horror Film Festival 2017 announces its full line-up for May 27th and 28th at AMC Manchester.

Triple Six is a new international film festival that aims to celebrate everything that is great in new independent horror filmmaking. Showing 9 features and 12 shorts over two days at the AMC cinema complex in Manchester, Triple Six has films from around the world while also having a British backbone throughout.

Full Weekend tickets are on sale from TODAY (April 3rd) and are strictly limited. On sale for just four weeks they allow the holder to see all 9 films, 12 shorts and the live Q&A and are priced at just £30 each and are available HERE.

Read on...
INTERVIEW: David Naughton
untitled It’s not every day you get to speak to the lead actor in possibly your favourite horror film of all time. Especially on a Tuesday. Tuesdays are usually rubbish! David Naughton should need no introduction to horror fans. Back in 1981, An American Werewolf In London had unprepared cinema goers laughing heartily one second and jumping out of their seats in terror the next. Its tale of two young American tourists coming face-to-teeth with a legendary lycanthropic beast perfectly married a genuinely funny script with razor sharp editing, groundbreaking special effects and a flawless cast to create a monster movie that is still many people’s benchmark today Read on...
Advertise HERE!
CQJR7SyWwAADBd_ We currently have advertising space available at very reasonable rates, so if you have a product you want to let people know about then please email us at theslaughteredbird@gmail.com with your needs and we can give you more info. Read on...
The Slaughtered Bird presents BURN!
Burn Slaughtered Bird Creations and Dragon Egg Media’s debut film collaboration, Burn, has wrapped and entered post-production. Our very own short psychological horror – directed by Judson Vaughan, creator of Pedro and the multi award-winning Soul Breaker – was filmed during February in Hertfordshire and north London, UK, over three days. Read on...