Cathedrals will fall, the river will run red... and THE BIRD will be SLAUGHTERED!

REVIEW: The Restaurant

– By MovieCritic NextDoor

When you’re chasing your dream, you have to be ready to make sacrifices. Andy (Mark Turner) dreams of turning his neighborhood Italian restaurant, Scoppa, into the best one in New York — which is a tall order, especially since the place is small and the food is only so-so. But Andy has a dramatic trick up his sleeve, and it’s called Exses (Paul Casali).

Exses is a powerful demon, or maybe a vampire. Even Andy isn’t sure about the details. The point is, Exses needs humans to survive and Andy needs everyone to love his restaurant, so a deal is struck: Andy will feed various “bad people” to Exses, and in exchange Exses will handle Scoppa’s public relations. This, apparently, involves mind-controlling the entire city into believing they won’t find better lasagna anywhere else.

It’s the perfect arrangement, right? At least that’s how Andy explains things to Jeremy (Anthony Misiano), the hapless busboy who’s just had the bad luck to witness Exses’ latest meal. Granted, the victim in this case seemed like a terrible bore and a little inconsiderate of the wait staff, but those hardly seem like capital crimes and Jeremy is now in a terrible predicament. On the one hand, turning Andy in might get Jeremy killed, or at least labelled a lunatic. On the other, mass murder.

Andy swears the wait staff is perfectly safe because that’s part of the deal and seems surprised that Jeremy doesn’t fall into line, so he does his best to be Jeremy’s new best friend. Meanwhile, actual best friend Corey (Tommy Kang) has a hard time believing the wild story Jeremy tells him, though admittedly Corey seems to have a difficult time focusing on anything that isn’t partying or chasing girls. But Karen (Stephanie Juergens), the new girl who Jeremy has a crush on, doesn’t believe it either, and who can blame her?

Now throw in a city health inspector (Paul Caron), a famous food critic (Matthew Fitzgerald) and his photographer (Sam Haft), three food bloggers (Mina Mirkhah, Austin Francisconi, and Debra Jans), ex-military tough guy Michael (Matthew Thomas Burda) and the rest of the staff at Scoppa and you’ve got a pretty wild ride. The hapless Jeremy is a reluctant hero at best, stumbling from one problem to another until Michael shows up as a deus ex machina to keep things moving. I can’t blame Jeremy for being confused, since the plot was about as straightforward as a pile of overcooked spaghetti. There was something about a parallel world and a very important jawbone, but that’s about all I can tell you.

The movie was far from a total loss, though, because as awkward as the storyline got, the humor was good and the characters were wonderful. From the supremely sarcastic server Cassie (Rachel Schenk) to bored bartender Max (Tony White) to the psychotic Richard (Byron Clohessy) they were all absolutely real and the camaraderie among the restaurant staff in particular was perfect. The little background touches are excellent and often as funny as any of the jokes, which, thankfully, flow naturally instead of being forced into the script every two minutes. In the end, it’s the story of a strange little man and his misguided dreams as much as anything else, and sometimes those dreams require a sacrifice like you never imagined.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Slaughtered Bird Films’ BURN receives its first reviews!
Burn Slaughtered Bird Films and Dragon Egg Media’s debut film collaboration, Burn, has received its first couple of online reviews, after a preview screening at the Triple Six Horror Festival in Manchester, May 27th. Read on...
INTERVIEW: David Naughton
untitled It’s not every day you get to speak to the lead actor in possibly your favourite horror film of all time. Especially on a Tuesday. Tuesdays are usually rubbish! David Naughton should need no introduction to horror fans. Back in 1981, An American Werewolf In London had unprepared cinema goers laughing heartily one second and jumping out of their seats in terror the next. Its tale of two young American tourists coming face-to-teeth with a legendary lycanthropic beast perfectly married a genuinely funny script with razor sharp editing, groundbreaking special effects and a flawless cast to create a monster movie that is still many people’s benchmark today Read on...
Advertise HERE!
CQJR7SyWwAADBd_ We currently have advertising space available at very reasonable rates, so if you have a product you want to let people know about then please email us at theslaughteredbird@gmail.com with your needs and we can give you more info. Read on...