Allan Lear’s Top Tens of 2016
Top Ten films reviewed for The Bird
A film about how clever the film-makers’ choreographer is. She’s very clever.
Fun no-budget romp of inverted gender roles
Rich German students go entertainingly mental with the corn syrup.
Short film starring an immaculately-played arsehole.
6. Beta Test
Science fiction romp reminiscent of good campy 80s action films.
5. Opus Dei
A short story with a sting in the tail.
Slick and professional home invasion drama that outperforms The Purge on every level.
A slipstream short that will make you remember what your brain is for.
I want the dialogue track on MP3. Not the OST. The dialogue. Such beauty.
Top Ten films NOT reviewed for The Bird
10. Finding Dory
Traumatic memory loss is funny.
The internet. No good will come of it.
8. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
One-joke zombie film features Matt Smith being genuinely very good as Mr Collins.
7. The Purge: Election Year
Three films in, the actual world-building has started. About bloody time.
6. Doctor Strange
I miss House. Benedict Cumberbatch’s impression of House is quite good.
5. Ouija: Origin of Evil
Ouija’s not very good. The sequel is. Trust me.
4. The Conjuring 2
3. 10 Cloverfield Lane
Nothing to do with Cloverfield, everything to do with John Goodman being great.
About time these bloody kids’ films took themselves less seriously.
And THAT, Chris Nolan, is how you do intelligent sci-fi.
Top Ten Rubbish Deaths of 2016
10. Muhammad Ali
Literally the wittiest, most articulate person ever to be punched in the head for a living.
9. Andrew Sachs
One of the best supporting characters of all time.
8. Robert Vaughan
Awww Robert Vaughan. Nearly beat Superman that time.
7. John Glenn
Multiple astronaut and oldest dude in space. Hardcore.
6. Harper Lee
Author of the best damn kids’ book in America. And nothing else.
5. Leonard Cohen
Writer of songs that sound like horror movies, beautiful and terrible.
4. Victoria Wood
For many years the answer to the question “Why aren’t women funny?”
3. Gene Wilder
Genius, comedy actor and writer.
2. David Bowie
1. Alan Rickman
Top Ten Celebrity Deaths Hoped For in 2017
10. James Murdoch
9-1 inclusive. Rupert Murdoch